GSCE Answers This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers...
 
 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
 hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by 
 Camelot.
 The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
 elsewhere.
 
 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book 
 of
 the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.  
 One
 of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
 
 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
 unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses 
 went
 up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he 
 ever
 reached Canada.
 
 4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
 
 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
 wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
 moth.
 
 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of 
 that
 name.
 
 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
 advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
 After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
 
 8. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the 
 biscuits,
 and threw the Java.
 
 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
 Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
 
 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.  
 The
 Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be  
 made
 king. Dying, he gasped out "Tee hee, Brutus."
 
 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by  
 playing
 the fiddle to them.
 
 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard 
 Shaw.
 Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for
 the  same offence.
 
 13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest  
 writer
 of  the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and
 also  wrote literature.
 
 14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an  
 apple
 while standing on his son's head.
 
 15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
 success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
 "hurrah."
 
 16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
 invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention  
 was
 the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
 because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
 Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
 
 17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.  
 He
 was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
 much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote  
 tragedies,
 comedies, and terectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and  
 Juliet
 are an example of a heroic couplet.
 
 18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
 wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton  
 wrote
 Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 
 19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
 great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the 
 Atlantic.
 His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
 
 20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
 Pilgrim's  Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the 
 settlers.
 Many  people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was
 responsible for all this.
 
 21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
 tacks  in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
 through  the  post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War 
 and
 no longer  had  to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 
 states
 formed the  Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and 
 Benjamin
 Franklin  were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. 
 Franklin
 discovered  electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, 
 "A
 horse  divided  against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 
 and
 is still  dead.
 
 22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
 domestic hostility. Under the titution the people enjoyed the right  
 to
 keep bare arms.
 23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
 mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he  
 built
 with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
 Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln  
 went
 to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
 moving  picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, 
 a
 supposedly  insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
 
 24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
 Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
 
 25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable  
 in
 the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
 
 26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a  
 large
 number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which 
   he
 kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was  
 the
 most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
 German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
 
 27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
 wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when 
 everyone
 was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for  
 this.
 
 
 28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
 catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his  
 power,
 but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
 
 29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
 Empire's  in the East and the sun sets in the West.
 
 30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63
 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was the
 final event which ended her reign.
 
 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
 inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started  
 reproducing
 by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of  
 rivers
 to  spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which 
 did
 the  work of a hundred men.
 
 32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
 naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie  
 discovered
 radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
 
 33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck  
 by
 an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.